Okay, the cat is out of the bag!

It all started with a book from the book fair. I saw this book of questions for girls to ask their friends, to get to know each other, you know, coke or pepsi, dog or cat, chocolate or vanilla. Well, with Hanna home sick today, she picked it up and began to answer the questions.

"Mom, what is my nickname?"

"Who is my oldest living relative?"

"What does this mean do you still believe in the Tooth Fairy?"

(Please imagine the sound of brakes squealing and me turning my head slowly and saying, huhh????)

You got it, the jig was up. You know what she asked next right? And next?

"Are you the Tooth Fairy?" What about Christmas?" "The Easter Bunny?"

Boom, boom, boom, childhood dreams coming to an end. She softened the blow a bit by saying she really needed to know so that when she had kids, she would know what to do.
Sigh, she is so sweet.

As we talked, she wanted to know all the secrets, where did I put everything, how come she never saw, was it hard. I pondered the last question, and thought yeah it was hard, but worth it, the look on her and her sister's faces was worth every difficulty. I made her promise not to spoil it for Maddie, and I asked her to be in on the secret. Then she began to get excited, she suggested we do Maddie's stocking together. I shared a funny story with her, the time she came down stairs 5 minutes after we had finished putting everything out by the tree. She opened the door and said she couldn't sleep, and she thought maybe Santa had been there.

"How could that be, we are not asleep?" I mused.
"I must have been the T.V., we didn't hear anything." My husband added.

This Christmas will be a little different, as she becomes part of the secret tradtion. Will she feel let down or happy. Will her sister's belief help her to feel the joy of gift giving? What I know for sure is, she is growing up and hopefully when she looks back on this year she will remember her first Christmas "playing" Santa.

I'm not sure her sister will take it this well, so if you have any suggestions feel free to let me know.

I am attending a class on mindfulness and I was totally blown away today by the fact that when asked four questions, we all gave very similar answers. We were asked what we hoped to gain from the class, what our heart was yearing for, what quality comes up when you are your most relaxed self, and what advice would someone who loves you unconditionally give you.

Almost all of us, both men and women, were there for peace and balance. Almost all our hearts yearned for acceptance. Humor was the answer to what comes up at our most relaxed. And, the advice we would get from someone who loves us was all some form of you are okay just as you are. You are not a failure, your are doing enough, you are enough!

If we are enough, why don't we feel it? How can our friends and loved ones see something that we cannot, and what do we do about it now that we know? How do we feel like we are enough?

These are the questions I hope to answer in the class.

I thought today about the right way to do something. This is a problem I have had for a long time. The right answer, the right clothes, the right body type, the right shoes, the list goes on and on. I give so much power to someone else or something else. I believe I am being judged from somewhere. Sometimes the judgement is real, from my mom or my husband, but mostly it is a perception of reality based on this thought of a societal norm. Like Emily Post's book of etiquette, a list of rules that need to be followed in order to be accepted and normal.

My task is to create my own list, based on my own ideas and not care about perception or reality.

Hmmm...maybe I'll wear white after labor day, maybe on my list I'll wear shoes for comfort rather than style. Maybe on my list, waking every day and loving every day and sharing every day will be enough.