Happy Birthday to me!!!

On facebook, there is a thing going around called "25 Random Things About Me," once you are "tagged" by someone, you are to write 25 things about yourself and tag 25 people including the person who tagged you.  At first, I had a hard time, but once I got started, I could have written more.  It isn't meant to be a "bucket list" just a list of random things.  It did get me thinking about a bucket list, a list of things to do before I die.

Where do you start?  Of course I would love to see The Great Wall of China, scuba dive The Great Barrier Reef, and I would love to visit each state in the United States.  But those seem self-indulgent and superficial.  What I want to do before I die is watch my girls grow-up.  Help them get ready for their first date, shop for prom dresses, help them learn to drive.  I want to be there when they get their hearts broken.  I want to take the college "road trip" to help them find the college for them.  I want to throw big parties for their graduations.  I want to share funny stories about me when I was their age. 

 I want to shop for their wedding dresses, cry at their weddings, dance with their dad and toast them at their receptions.  I want to help them move into their first house, share my favorite recipes and deliver all their Christmas ornaments to them for their first Christmas in their own home.  I want to hold my grandchildren, spoil them and send them home to their moms.

I want to watch them grow and blossom, become who they are meant to be.  Watch them navigate the world and discover what gives them joy and passion.  I want to watch them fall in love and meet their soul mates.

I want to continue loving my soul mate and rediscover and redefine our relationship as we grow older and our roles change.  I want to continue having adventures, exploring new places together and taking on new projects.  

I want to make sure that all my family and friends know how much they mean to me.  How their support gets me through the days when the pain is more than I can bear.  

That is my bucket list.  If along the way, I walk on "The Wall," snorkel "The Reef,"  and visit the rest of the 50 states I have yet to see then so be it, it will be an adventure, no a to do list.

Happy Birthday.  Thanks mom and dad for me.

Kathryn Sue Jaques Barton

Hello from the comfort of my new bed.  We did end up sending the sleep number bed back.  We are now trying a Verlo mattress.  It has a combination of memory foam and laytex.  So far so good.

Sorry I do not have photos today, I have still been sick.  I did get an update from the site manager today.  They have finished the foundation walls and have filled it all in.  No more big piles of dirt.  They have also moved the well and dealt with the old septic.  Next week the plan is to lay the concrete slabs over the fitness room.  These slabs will serve as the floor of the garage.  Once those slabs are in place, they will be able to begin framing.  It may be as early as Friday, but most likely it will happen Monday.

I hope to be better by then and therefore able to share photos of them placing the slabs.  It should be pretty cool to watch, they need to use a big crane to lift them and put them in place.

We Have Walls!

With the temperatures rising from sub-zero to the teens this week, they were able to get back to work this week.  Tuesday, the walls were poured.  It was rather interesting, the truck was parked in the street and one of the guys controlled the nozzle remotely from controls on a belt.  Then, one guy handled the nozzle and moved it back and forth as the forms filled up.  Two guys came behind him and smoothed the top, all while balancing on the 2 by 4s you see toward the top of the forms.  I joked with them about needing gymnastics training.  It really was a site to see, imagine big clunky boots, ice and snow, wet concrete and a 4 inch beam.  No one fell while I was there, I think they were showing off.

We meet with the realtor tomorrow to go over what else need to get done before the house goes on the market, should be interesting.

Good night for now...

Friday January 16th, -27 with the wind chill, second day of no school due to cold.  I spoke with our site manager yesterday and he told me they had not been on site, I don't blame them.

The plan for next week is to pour the footings on Monday and the walls on Tuesday.  I've heard it is pretty cool to watch them pour the concrete, and given that the girls have the day off, we will be there to watch.

In the meantime, I had 3 other meeting this week about the house.  One with the flooring and tile company, one with the kitchen designer and one with the landscape design company.  I'm ready to move into the landscape plan now.  It looks so beautiful!  

I had a bit of design shift this week, I decided to change one of the colors of the cabinets to Palamino, a creamy white.  With the dark espresso, it looks fantastic!!!  The details are coming together, it is like a giant puzzle being worked piece by piece.  I'll shoot some pictures and post later.

Until then, bundle up and stay warm.

Kate

Day 2

What a difference a day makes!

What takes 6 months to build takes 6 hours to destroy and haul away.  When I showed up Tuesday, all that was left of the house was the back wall of the foundation.  The plan was to put up the retention fencing and finish breaking up and hauling the rest of the house.  

The girls and Doug have been anxious to see the site, so we took a drive over after school.  Unfortunately with the sun setting around 5 these days, we arrived in the dark.  After a cold walk around the perimeter, we hopped backed into the car and determined we would never enjoy winter camping.

Tomorrow, Thursday, they plan to excavate and by Friday hopefully pour the footings.

I'm off to bed, long day with the designer...good work got done, but makes for a long day.

After six months of dreaming, planning, researching, talking, meeting, spending, not sleeping, it has finally begun. 

 Yesterday, January 5, 2009, the old house came down.  What an experience!  If you have never seen a house come down, I highly recommend it.  When I arrived, they had half of it down.  Over the course of 3 hours, they had it leveled, except for the fireplace.  The bricks and rocks from the chimney and fireplace are not allowed in the dumpsters, they must be hauled away by dump truck.  It was also interesting to learn, this particular hauling company takes the dumpsters back to a warehouse and dumps them and sorts through for any materials that can be recycled.  Good to know.  I included some photos.  As usually happens to me, I ran out of battery on my video camera, so I was only able to record about 20 minutes of the destruction.  I'll work on a small clip to post here at a later date.

With the house down, you catch a glimpse of the view.  Can't wait for summer, sipping "boat drinks," swimming, water sports, watching the sunsets...aaah!  It was 13 degrees yesterday and at one point I could no longer feel my fingers.  That was when I headed to the car for a quick warm up.  I'm headed over today to watch them dig.  Until tomorrow... 

I'm Back!!

It's hard to believe I started this 2 years ago!!!  Was I really so busy 2 years went by?!  Holy smokes, I hope I don't blink and 20 years goes by.

For the next 6 months, I plan to use this blog to document the construction of our new house.

We closed today on the property.  It was interesting that we needed to have flood insurance on a structure we plan to tear down.  So, after a summer of planning and worrying and wondering and so forth, we finally actually own the property and can get started on our lake home.

The property is on Lake Waubesa in McFarland, Wisconsin, I sometimes call it McFar Far Away!  My 2 best friends live there; Sue and Sue, my 2 Sues I call them.  I can hardly wait to be close to them again.  McFarland is Southeast of Madison, but is considered a suburb. It is 20 minutes from our house now, but is much closer to 90 and the airport.  Yesterday, we went for a pre-closing walk through, usually you do this to make sure that the house is in the same condition as when you made your offer, as we are tearing the structure down, this was a formality for us.  We walked through, but mostly we stood and looked at the lake.  It's funny how long we all can stand and stare at the lake in silence.

While there, people on a walk waved and said hi.  This is third time I have been there looking at the property and have met neighbors.  Each time, I hear what a great street it is, how fabulous the neighbors are and how much we are going to love it there.  I can't wait.

Tune in tomorrow to hear about our first meeting with the project manager.

Okay, the cat is out of the bag!

It all started with a book from the book fair. I saw this book of questions for girls to ask their friends, to get to know each other, you know, coke or pepsi, dog or cat, chocolate or vanilla. Well, with Hanna home sick today, she picked it up and began to answer the questions.

"Mom, what is my nickname?"

"Who is my oldest living relative?"

"What does this mean do you still believe in the Tooth Fairy?"

(Please imagine the sound of brakes squealing and me turning my head slowly and saying, huhh????)

You got it, the jig was up. You know what she asked next right? And next?

"Are you the Tooth Fairy?" What about Christmas?" "The Easter Bunny?"

Boom, boom, boom, childhood dreams coming to an end. She softened the blow a bit by saying she really needed to know so that when she had kids, she would know what to do.
Sigh, she is so sweet.

As we talked, she wanted to know all the secrets, where did I put everything, how come she never saw, was it hard. I pondered the last question, and thought yeah it was hard, but worth it, the look on her and her sister's faces was worth every difficulty. I made her promise not to spoil it for Maddie, and I asked her to be in on the secret. Then she began to get excited, she suggested we do Maddie's stocking together. I shared a funny story with her, the time she came down stairs 5 minutes after we had finished putting everything out by the tree. She opened the door and said she couldn't sleep, and she thought maybe Santa had been there.

"How could that be, we are not asleep?" I mused.
"I must have been the T.V., we didn't hear anything." My husband added.

This Christmas will be a little different, as she becomes part of the secret tradtion. Will she feel let down or happy. Will her sister's belief help her to feel the joy of gift giving? What I know for sure is, she is growing up and hopefully when she looks back on this year she will remember her first Christmas "playing" Santa.

I'm not sure her sister will take it this well, so if you have any suggestions feel free to let me know.

I am attending a class on mindfulness and I was totally blown away today by the fact that when asked four questions, we all gave very similar answers. We were asked what we hoped to gain from the class, what our heart was yearing for, what quality comes up when you are your most relaxed self, and what advice would someone who loves you unconditionally give you.

Almost all of us, both men and women, were there for peace and balance. Almost all our hearts yearned for acceptance. Humor was the answer to what comes up at our most relaxed. And, the advice we would get from someone who loves us was all some form of you are okay just as you are. You are not a failure, your are doing enough, you are enough!

If we are enough, why don't we feel it? How can our friends and loved ones see something that we cannot, and what do we do about it now that we know? How do we feel like we are enough?

These are the questions I hope to answer in the class.

I thought today about the right way to do something. This is a problem I have had for a long time. The right answer, the right clothes, the right body type, the right shoes, the list goes on and on. I give so much power to someone else or something else. I believe I am being judged from somewhere. Sometimes the judgement is real, from my mom or my husband, but mostly it is a perception of reality based on this thought of a societal norm. Like Emily Post's book of etiquette, a list of rules that need to be followed in order to be accepted and normal.

My task is to create my own list, based on my own ideas and not care about perception or reality.

Hmmm...maybe I'll wear white after labor day, maybe on my list I'll wear shoes for comfort rather than style. Maybe on my list, waking every day and loving every day and sharing every day will be enough.

Mothers

When I was 14, all I wanted in the world was a baby. I loved the way they smelled and how easily I could make them laugh. I watched the commercials on t.v. showing moms feeding their rosy cheeked babies, sitting in their perfect kitchens all smiles. I admitt it, I thought, this is how it would be. I thought I would keep a perfect home and make my own baby food. I thought being a mother was easy, you went on walks, napped, read stories and the babies loved you.

The reality is very different.

I thank God often for allowing me to grow up before becoming a parent. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. I remember bringing Hanna, our first, home from the hospital. I swear my husband and I looked at eachother and said "Now What?" We had read all the pregnancy books, but we hadn't read much about what to do after that. We stumble through that first week and then, he went back to work. I sat in a chair and cried all day. I found out later that my milk had come in and it was normal to feel sad, yeah that's what is was...milk, not fear, not responsibility, not the overwhelming realization that I was now in it alone.

Don't get me wrong, my husband is a saint and he has changed his share of dirty diapers and gone to crying babies in the night, but I, the mom, have been responsible for most of the decisions. Formula or breast milk, sleep in a crib or our bed, when to start solid food and the biggie am I spoiling her when I pick her up when she cries or feed her on demand. It took me a good six months to begin to trust myself, to feel that I may actually know what I am doing.

I thought it would get easier, but in fact it gets harder and harder as they age, the stakes are higher. I mean seriously, spoiling a child by holding them, come on! I'm talking serious shit here...are they learning to read, is there a learning problem, how come she has a stomach ache every day, will she tell me the truth, does she know what to do in case of an emergency? These are the real issues, not to mention is she happy, does she feel safe and loved, is she going to become a happy, productive human being, or an ax murderer?

Today she is home sick with a cold, easy, I made her tea and a bed on the couch. I tucked her in and kissed her hot head...this I can handle...I'll wait to see what tomorrow brings...